Dear readers (if any of you are still out there),
I've been thinking about some things lately that I just wanted to get out there on (virtual) paper, and while they're very much not having to do with writing/editing/publishing, here I go anyway. . . .
Yesterday I was on the wedding website of some friends of mine, and in looking at their engagement pictures I was struck--definitely not for the first time, but more so yesterday for some reason--by how women in professional/"important" photos like these are always very made-up, much in contrast to their fiances next to them. Both of these friends are quite young-looking (even though they are very accomplished professionals in their 30s), and yet the bride-to-be's makeup was so "perfect" (you know, with the impossibly natural eyebrows that seem to be the standard these days, and a near-smoky eye despite the fact that it was broad daylight) that she almost looked like in a different world than the groom's--like they were members of different species or something. And it's not that she looked old by any means, but because he was just there chilling in his normal-skinned, bordering-on-unibrowed glory, the contrast of her perfectly airbrushed face (whether by thick matte foundation, photographer's airbrushing, or both), made it almost seem like she could be the polished mom to this average, happy-go-lucky teenager. I mean, if anything, I felt he could have used some foundation, too...
I was talking to my husband about this, and he put forth a theory that part of these different grooming/appearance standards that society puts upon us may have to do with the fact that men (largely heterosexual) are expected to seem "confident" no matter what, which includes in the way they look (even though many of them might not be, but they're better taught/expected to fake it till they make it). And women are only allowed to be confident (or understood for being confident) if they look "perfect."
And of course this has turned into women being harsh on each other (while men are too, though most claim to like the "natural" look (which is really the "It-actually-took-2-hours-to-look-like-I-wake-up-like-this look")), but mostly themselves, to the point that most women wouldn't dare to take engagement portraits with a unibrow. (And to then insist to the photographer that, No, really, they do not want those PhotoShopped out!)
Add to this of course all the (valid) moaning about selfies, Insta filters, etc., and we have a big fat problem here, that I feel like only gets worse as the years go on, personally. (Not that I think the "gold old days" were anything but "old days," but we live in such a visual, "personal-brand" moment right now.
Despite makeup companies trying to convince us that phrases such as, "I am what I make up" and "You're not here to get beautiful; you're here because you already are" (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??) are "empowering" (I really hate how that word has been co-opted.) to us so that we buy their increasingly ridiculous products that tell us what to feel bad about. (Eyedrops because your eyes are not white enough?? What?! But men's eyes are fine all red and yellow?)
And it makes me maddest of all that I still am not able to resist most of this stuff, despite all my overanalyzing and awareness of it. And all the B.S. self-love/self-care (I've also started to hate those words.) about "Everyone woman is beautiful" is still telling us that beauty is what is important. Our looks are important. Not what our bodies can do, think, and feel.
I think yesterday got me thinking about it a lot more because I went to see the new J. Lo. movie "Second Act," which was super ridiculous in many ways but of course fun because of that, but the fantasy/wish fulfillment such movies sell us I think do really start to make us feel bad about ourselves. If Lopez's character at the first part of the movie is supposed to be working class, then why is her hair and makeup always the sort of flawless that only at least 2 hours in the chair with a professional can give you? And why does she wear a Missoni dress to her job interview?? (I looked it up--it was indeed a Missoni. That brand retails for at least $600-$1600/dress.) And let's just ignore for now the ample cleavage she shows both in that dress and in every other outfit she wears at work. Not slut-shaming, just showing the unrealistic-ness of both her body type and job and the way she would be treated if she did wear such outfits to work.
I definitely don't have a solution, I just felt like ranting in my usual style of run-on sentences, too many parentheticals, and lots of modified adjectives, but hey, I am what I make up, right??? And I made up these words out of my true thoughts, so they are real now and so am I.
If anyone is reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts. In any case, happy 2019!
- L'Editrice
I've been thinking about some things lately that I just wanted to get out there on (virtual) paper, and while they're very much not having to do with writing/editing/publishing, here I go anyway. . . .
Yesterday I was on the wedding website of some friends of mine, and in looking at their engagement pictures I was struck--definitely not for the first time, but more so yesterday for some reason--by how women in professional/"important" photos like these are always very made-up, much in contrast to their fiances next to them. Both of these friends are quite young-looking (even though they are very accomplished professionals in their 30s), and yet the bride-to-be's makeup was so "perfect" (you know, with the impossibly natural eyebrows that seem to be the standard these days, and a near-smoky eye despite the fact that it was broad daylight) that she almost looked like in a different world than the groom's--like they were members of different species or something. And it's not that she looked old by any means, but because he was just there chilling in his normal-skinned, bordering-on-unibrowed glory, the contrast of her perfectly airbrushed face (whether by thick matte foundation, photographer's airbrushing, or both), made it almost seem like she could be the polished mom to this average, happy-go-lucky teenager. I mean, if anything, I felt he could have used some foundation, too...
I was talking to my husband about this, and he put forth a theory that part of these different grooming/appearance standards that society puts upon us may have to do with the fact that men (largely heterosexual) are expected to seem "confident" no matter what, which includes in the way they look (even though many of them might not be, but they're better taught/expected to fake it till they make it). And women are only allowed to be confident (or understood for being confident) if they look "perfect."
And of course this has turned into women being harsh on each other (while men are too, though most claim to like the "natural" look (which is really the "It-actually-took-2-hours-to-look-like-I-wake-up-like-this look")), but mostly themselves, to the point that most women wouldn't dare to take engagement portraits with a unibrow. (And to then insist to the photographer that, No, really, they do not want those PhotoShopped out!)
Add to this of course all the (valid) moaning about selfies, Insta filters, etc., and we have a big fat problem here, that I feel like only gets worse as the years go on, personally. (Not that I think the "gold old days" were anything but "old days," but we live in such a visual, "personal-brand" moment right now.
Despite makeup companies trying to convince us that phrases such as, "I am what I make up" and "You're not here to get beautiful; you're here because you already are" (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??) are "empowering" (I really hate how that word has been co-opted.) to us so that we buy their increasingly ridiculous products that tell us what to feel bad about. (Eyedrops because your eyes are not white enough?? What?! But men's eyes are fine all red and yellow?)
And it makes me maddest of all that I still am not able to resist most of this stuff, despite all my overanalyzing and awareness of it. And all the B.S. self-love/self-care (I've also started to hate those words.) about "Everyone woman is beautiful" is still telling us that beauty is what is important. Our looks are important. Not what our bodies can do, think, and feel.
I think yesterday got me thinking about it a lot more because I went to see the new J. Lo. movie "Second Act," which was super ridiculous in many ways but of course fun because of that, but the fantasy/wish fulfillment such movies sell us I think do really start to make us feel bad about ourselves. If Lopez's character at the first part of the movie is supposed to be working class, then why is her hair and makeup always the sort of flawless that only at least 2 hours in the chair with a professional can give you? And why does she wear a Missoni dress to her job interview?? (I looked it up--it was indeed a Missoni. That brand retails for at least $600-$1600/dress.) And let's just ignore for now the ample cleavage she shows both in that dress and in every other outfit she wears at work. Not slut-shaming, just showing the unrealistic-ness of both her body type and job and the way she would be treated if she did wear such outfits to work.
I definitely don't have a solution, I just felt like ranting in my usual style of run-on sentences, too many parentheticals, and lots of modified adjectives, but hey, I am what I make up, right??? And I made up these words out of my true thoughts, so they are real now and so am I.
If anyone is reading this, I'd love to hear your thoughts. In any case, happy 2019!
- L'Editrice
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